Greentext Does: Eiyuu Senki

Imagine my surprise when I heard fucking bagpipes on this menu. Some AC/DC shit right here.

Well, it took me a while but I finally found another “AAA” adult game. And a pretty good one too! The plot of the game is simple. While studying for a history test you get sucked into the past via magic or something. Don’t think too much about it. Either way you end up in Japan and start conquering the world. Finally, a way for the Japanese to live out their fantasy of successful Imperialism. That is of course if they can defeat foes like the Aztecs, Russians, and…cat people. Also did I mention that the world is weird? 

At least Hawaii is normal!

Yeah. Timelines seem to be fucked harder than the game’s protagonist. You have people like Alexander The Great (who is now a little girl) living at the same time as Billy The Kid (also a little girl). Also Columbus is the leader of the US and South America is a big catalog store. Honestly? It’s kind of fun. Every time I meet the leader of a new country I’m excited to see what dumb shit the game will pull. I haven’t met the Australians yet but I’m hoping their leader is a little girl version of Crocodile Dundee. What actually happens when you meet them is pretty much the same each time though. Meet them, conquer their country, then they join your team. In fact it’s a lot like Sengoku Rance. Even the gameplay is pretty similar. 

Sub Saharan Africa is referred to as “The Dark Land”. My fucking sides.

As you go through the game you’ll be capturing various cities across the map and taking over empires. Each city gets you a set amount of money each turn and sometimes you can do extra missions in cities for money, items, or relationship points with your troops. Unfortunately that’s really it. You can’t build anything or invest in your cities to make them stronger. It’s just a matter of tax money. The game may appear similar to Civilization at first glance and very open world but it’s actually pretty linear. You can never deviate from these little paths and progress is usually just a choice between which of the 3-4 neighboring nations to attack next. Attacking the stronger nations first gets you a special item after you defeat them but also increases the strength of the remaining nations. Be careful with this though. I let Macedonia get buffed a few times through this and it ended up becoming an impossible juggernaut. 

Jesus fucking Christ that hair. 

You want waifus? I got waifus. I got waifus coming out of the wazoo. I got more waifus than I know what to do with. Yeah, taking a page from the FGO school of character design Eiyuu Senki has taken a shit load of historical figures and made them into waifus for your enjoyment. Although Eiyuu Senki has taken a lot more liberties with character design than just making them waifus. See the above image for further explanation. the interesting thing, however, is that as far as I’ve seen there are no male characters except for the mc and the big bad. None. At all. I’ve captured 56 cities at the time of writing and not one had a male character in it. Even the little background soldiers you see in combat all seem to be female. Characters feel a lot more limited here than in something like Rance. You can boost your waifus’ troop numbers which acts as health via buying more (unlike Rance units will not do less damage when having more troops), equip them with items, and unlock new special attacks through relationship events. That’s it. No upgrade paths, experience, or skill points. This can lead to situations like having to fight Macedonia over and over and over again to get money to increase your troops’ health to survive the half an hour slug fest the fight devolves into. 

James Cook and her giant clone. 

Combat is extremely similar to Rance with the biggest difference being the fact that you have a 3×3 grid to place your units as opposed to a 2×3 one. All units have attack, speed, and defense stats that can be buffed by certain character’s special moves. Pretty self explanatory but it’s kind of unclear if boosts can be stacked. Nothing indicates they can be and I don’t notice any damage change but the enemy AI has a thing for spamming the same boosts over and over again. Anyway, as you fight the meter in top corner of the screen will gain bars which you use to power your special attacks. The game also has a type advantage system where some classes are more effective against others. I’d list the interactions but there’s like 10 classes in the game and my hands are already cramping. On each of your turns you’ll get to spend your available actions doing little side missions (which are just text or battles) or conquering cities. Then after that each of the enemies you’re currently fighting takes a turn. If you’re lucky they’ll decide to strengthen their forces and leave your cities alone but if you’re unlucky they’ll attack and attempt to capture one of the cities on your borders. Let’s hope you left some troops at home when you were out pillaging because any unit that was used in battle or a side mission during your turn can’t defend during an enemy’s turn. 

The writing seems to vary from “Pretty on point” to “Stop being so fucking wacky”. The MC adapts to being transported to bizarro land way too quickly. He never really stops and goes “What the fuck?” or “Sweet, now I don’t have to be a very busy salaryman until I die at 60”. I’m always a fan of fish out of water type comedy but there’s very little of that. Pretty much every other character in the story is just wacky comedy material. There are relationship events that I assume would add more characterization to all of the units but they’re so uncommon that they’re barely worth mentioning. The game’s plot has something to do with an Illuminati skeleton trying to sow chaos via the use of fashionable jewelry. I think. Honestly the game seems to forget that it actually has a plot pretty often. 

Grandpa O’Connor always said that the British would get fucked over one day but I don’t think he meant like this.

The porn is…pretty meh. I think one of the bigger problems is that there is never enough of it at once to get in a porn-enjoying mood. Scenes don’t come by very often and when they do they’re relatively short. There seems to be a decent amount of them but seeing as you either need to reach certain plot points or level up your relationship with your units to see them you’re not going to be looking at them very often. They aren’t voiced either so if not hearing squeaky toy sounding Japanese noises kills your boner than this game isn’t for you. Luckily it does have a gallery which can be accessed from the main menu and features both CG viewing and scene replays. 

Eiyuu Senki is a fun game but it’s probably one of the least fun of the “AAA” adult games I’ve played. It lacks the interesting characters of Sengoku Rance, the amount of porn in Bunny Black, or the more in-depth gameplay of Alchemy Meister. Even with the above complaints in mind Eiyuu Senki is a fun time waster and I’d still suggest giving it a try. 

Eiyuu Senki can be downloaded for free here

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