Greentext Does A Quick Look At: “Rance 5D”.

Alright. I’m heading out for a week of drinking in the woods tomorrow so I don’t have my usual weekend to write my schlop. Since I’ve been on a bit of a Rance kick recently here’s a quick review of one of the shortest Rance games.

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Game’s fucking bullshit and there’s not much porn. There. There’s your review.

Still want more? Fine. I have to get packing so I’ll get this out of the way now instead of answering questions later.

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The game plays like nothing else I’ve ever seen in my life. Literally. I don’t know what to compare this to because I have nothing. I’m sure this isn’t an original idea and someone will bring up some obscure title from 1979 that 5D based it’s mechanics on but as far as my experience goes it’s completely new. In Rance: 5D you move around dungeons and try to make it to the next chapter before you run out of time. What rooms you encounter are determined by the outcome of a wheel you spin. The list of rooms in the picture is pretty self explanatory except for Kuropiston.

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Behold the power of Ibeprofun. No, really. That’s what it’s called.

When you land on Kuropiston sweet jams start playing and 3 little blobby aliens start mucking around on whatever planet they live on trying to start civilization. They are easily the best part of this game. Then you throw in an item and they react to it appearing on their planet. That’s it. No gameplay benefits. No effects on you whatsoever. It’s great.

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Sometimes you’ll have to stab things. Combat is 100% luck based. You have 6 different attack slots and can swap in and out different abilities when you level up like replacing attack 1 with attack 2 or making a defense slot into an attack slot or really whatever you want. You roll a die and all characters the move that corresponds with that number. Really the only strategy in this is the little bugs you can find. If you’re lucky you can find a bug with a set amount of eyes ranging from 1-6. These bugs increase your chance of rolling a specific number. Using this I can put all my most powerful attacks in the slot that I have a bug for. Unfortunately like I said, this is 100% luck based. Even with bugs it’s completely possible to loose a fight you should have won due to bad rolls.

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Sometimes you’ll find items, most of the time your inventory will be full of junk that you’re too scared to throw out. Really the biggest problem with this game is the single unavoidable autosave slot that you get. Every time you land on an event your game will save. This can easily fuck you over. Example: At one point in the game you end up in a desert. Eventually you find a vending machine. One of the characters straight up says it’s probably a trap so I avoid it. Then half an hour later I land on an event and the game autosaves. The event consisted of my dying of thirst in the desert because I didn’t get a drink from the vending machine. I had to restart the entire game. Fuck this game.

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Here’s the smut. Nothing special and there’s not much of it. There’s so little of it that I can’t even really form a full paragraph talking about it.

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Conclusion: This game is fun for the first couple hours but after that it rapidly gets old. Once you get an unwinnable game over for the first time you might as well stop playing then. Alright thanks for reading see you later download it here or something OFF TO THE LAKE!!

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