Greentext Does: “Evenicle”.

29 years. Alicesoft, the company that made Evenicle, has been making porn games for 29 years. They also made Sengoku Rance and I know I said this in that review too but I just cannot get over the fact that there has been a single company making porn games for that long without ever stopping. It really shows though. Here’s your first big surprise. Evenicle is in 3d! And I don’t mean crappy gobbo sfm blender garbage. I mean actual 3d models with actual animation that don’t look awful! It’s not a short little project either. I’m about 20 hours in and I’m only on chapter 4 out of 7.

The game starts with you, generic anime pervert with a heart of gold, washing up on a beach after being rescued by some blonde eye candy. Apparently you live on “Fresh Fish Island” and swam out here to become a knight. Why do you want to become a knight? To marry your sisters, obviously. Why do you need to be a knight to marry your sisters? Well the people in this world worship a goddess named Mother Eve. Eve has 2 rules. No killing, and no fucking more than one person. Also fucking means instant marriage. The only people who are allowed to break these rules are knights. Now, what happens if you break these rules? Well a black ring appears on your finger, you become unable to grow or produce everything, you’re branded an outlaw and instantly made wanted everywhere, and are doomed to a life of permanent suffering and will probably end up joining a group of raiders. Sounds fucked up right? Well it gets worse. Say a group of outlaws attacks your farm and you kill one of them in self defense. Guess what? You killed someone. You’re an outlaw now. Guess what? Say you decide not to fight back to avoid becoming an outlaw and 3 of them rape your wife. Your wife just had sex with more than one person. She is also an outlaw now. She will be taken away from your home and forced to live out the rest of her life in a ghetto outlaw housing district in the middle of nowhere. Even though all of the characters are fine with this it only gets more fucked up the more you think about it.

Anyways, as you go on your quest to move up in the ranks of knights so you can bone more chicks you eventually transition to a quest to stop a shadowy organization from inciting an incident the likes of which the world has never seen. War. Yeah, apparently war just doesn’t exist in this universe. They have it in fiction and know of the concept but it’s just never happened. There are a bunch of separate countries but apparently they’ve only ever used their knights to fight monsters. This may be a bit of a personal problem but the game has a bad habit of having you meet a person, the person will say “Go fetch me 17 squid kidneys” or whatever, your character will leave to go do it, and then you’ll see the guy who just sent you on your quest going “Mwahaha! Fool! I will use the squid kidneys to do the big evil!“. I’m not a fan of this. It’s kind of annoying and takes away from the surprise that I would get if they would be revealed as evil AFTER I did the thing. Plus it kind of just makes me not want to do the quest.

Combat is your standard turn based RPG battle. You have standard attacks along with

different special attacks that might do more damage to certain enemy types or have AOE effects. Instead of mana you use BP which you gain one of every turn. Also this game has next gen little girl capture mechanics whereby if you’re fighting one of the girl monsters and you lower their health you can capture them. Then you can either use them as equipment or sell them for a profit.  Honestly my quest to find and capture new and exotic species of little girl has been one of my biggest motivations to go forwards.

Here’s the other thing about this game. It’s lighthearted and fun. Everyone’s doing fun happy things and the translation is spot on so it avoids jokes falling flat due to me not being able to understand them. Characters are tropes but honestly I’m too busy smiling to care. You have the aforementioned pervert with a heart of gold, responsible princess, wacky inventor, dumb big titted muscle head, little girl who stabs things, tough guy who laughs when he breaks his ribs, and many more. The thing is that they have more to them than just their tropes. The princess being afraid of heights, the stabby girl loving bread, the inventor flying around in a balloon powered by a little monster. All of this really hits home and helps show that the characters are more than just tropes. I know what you’re asking now though. What about the porn?

It’s great! There’s a lot of it with lots of different women, there’s no NTR (excluding the fact that you have 5 wives), or cuck stuff. Nothing gay and no futa. Real vanilla stuff but well done and varied. Everything is also fully voiced. Of course I turned off the voices because Japanese people sound like squeaky toys and and I don’t like voice acting in my porn games anyways. As you can see above it’s fully uncensored and well drawn. No animations but quite frankly I’m fine with that. I much prefer a well done hand drawn image as opposed to watching 2 low-res 3d models rub against each other.

Overall Evenicle is a must play for anyone who enjoys adult games. The overall tone of the game is so upbeat and friendly that I can’t help but smile while I play. There’s tons of well made porn and really fun gameplay to keep you occupied when your dick isn’t out. Literally my only gripe with the game is the price. Mangagamer is selling the English version for $45 which is a bit steep for me. Sure, the game’s fun but am I willing to drop $45 on it? Ehhhh. I for one would wait until the price drops a bit. In the mean time you can download it for free here. Just remember to actually purchase the thing when the price does go down so papa Macdonald doesn’t starve.