Greentext Does Soldier’s Life.

soldier's life title

Soldier’s Life is…well it’s a game I suppose? I mean you can pretty much get the gist of it just by looking at the title. The art is…passable? I’ve seen worse. There’s a decent chance I’m just being generous because I like chicks with short hair though. Honestly if I can use a single word to describe this game it’s “boring”. It’s not good enough to really enjoy and it’s not bad enough to laugh at. Well, either way lets get started.


The game opens with you (Payton) being chewed out by your incompetent boss who is busy explaining how throwing more bodies at the problem will eventually make her the richest and most fanciest women at the gala ball. Then you do a cool guy thing and because of that you get promoted above her. Obviously the next step is to break her brain and ruin her life.


The game is split into 2 sections. The first is a small amount of turns you get in town where your goal is to buff your stats and lower Vanora’s stats. You can do this by making her do the same sexual actions over and over and over and over again. Eventually you stop even reading it because you need to lower her reputation by 100 to get the next set of scenes and each event only lowers it by like 5. The only other thing you spend your time in town doing is raising your own stats so you’ll do better at random events and occasionally trade your reputation levels to gain tokens to upgrade weapons.


The other part of the game is combat. You’ll lead out an army to go do battle for loot and to increase your reputation. The amount of soldiers you get is determined by your reputation multiplied by 2. Then you divide these points between your main army (your health), your archers (good for pinning down enemies), your cavalry (your damage dealers) and scouts (allow you better scouting options). Then you set what you want each to do and end your turn. You can also challenge enemies using either Payton or Vanora and gain bonuses if your fight skill is high enough to beat them. Basically all battles break down into you challenging with Payton, pinning with your archers, and charging with your cavalry. You repeat this until you win.

Look, I censored it. Happy WordPress?

Most of the sex scenes in the game consist of background art that doesn’t match the scene overlaid by character models making facial expressions while in their default pose. The art isn’t awful but it just feels so lazy. In the scene above she’s supposed to be sucking dicks. I see 0 dicks. For fucks sake she’s even clothed in the background art. Aside from the character models wearing different clothes and making different expressions there’s only about 7 actual drawings in the game and 2 of those are from different endings.

So if the art is lazy and the gameplay is tedious is there anything good about this game? Honestly, the only thing I can complement to is the character design. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not great by any stretch of the imagination but it’s probably the best part of the game. As someone who prefers games with gameplay it pains me to say this but this would probably be better as a visual novel. Focusing more on getting art done for the different scenes and ditching the “click these 4 buttons 50 times” mechanics would make the game a lot more enjoyable. Unfortunately that’s not going to happen seeing as this game is “complete”. I suggest skipping over this one. Pyorgara is currently working on his next game “Hall Monitor”. Maybe this one will be better.


Soldier's Life Verdict

Soldier’s Life can be downloaded at Pyorgara’s patreon page here.

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