Greentext Suffers Through: “Dreams Of Desire”

I’m actually running out of games with enough content to review so I thought it might be a good idea to go back to my old gallery shitposts so I could make content from things I can’t otherwise review. Dreams of Desire was suggested to me by someone on weg so let’s check it out!

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I regret everything. Admittedly this isn’t as bad as the usual first time using Blender gobbo trash but it’s still 3dcg porn and therefor not great.

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Mhm. I’m sure that my choices will have extremely meaningful effects outside of “Which horrific Plasticine homunculus do I get to bone”.

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A. Use Rainmeter you fucking pleb. B. That is the smallest mouse I have ever seen in my life. It’s smaller than the handle for your coffee mug. Also nice Razer Chroma bro.

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I’m personally saving that as my “My life is on fire everything is shit” option of last resort but you do you.

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Too fucking real.

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AWW YEAH MARCUS!!

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Look at that smile! What a good kid! He’ll help sort things out!

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Yeah man! Make yourself comfortable in my single wooden chair.

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What is it with media and wanting to get laid or get a girlfriend before the end of Summer? You do realize that vaginas exist during other seasons right?

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He’s giving me the “About to pound your asshole” face.

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Alright. I may not be the best test case for how to act around other people but I’m pretty sure this is the point where you kick your friend out of your house and never speak to them again…but how huge we talking tho?

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Hold up Marcus. Looks like you left the door open and some whore wandered in. Maybe she mistook my house for the brothel she works at.

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Yeah, people don’t usually talk like that around friends. Also it appears Marcus has the power to enter the frozen time.

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Look at that happy face. I’m gonna warn him just so I don’t have to keep listening to him talk about his pocket Marcus.

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Oh that’s my mom? No wonder my room is barren. Can’t pay for furniture with the free drinks you get from horny fucks at bars.

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What a cool dude.

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Oh yeah? Gonna change out of your work clothes? Better get the pressure washer out of the garage so you can take off that makeup too you fucking slut.

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Please, enlighten me as to what insight about the human condition someone dressed like a 40 year old women trying to sneak into a frat party could write down and publish.

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Yeah, like spelling. I’m sure you struggle with vowels.

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Yeah, I wonder where he could pick up phrases like that?

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If your friend is trying to get you to fuck your mom then find better friends.

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I’ve never actually drank much. Can’t find anything that doesn’t taste like I’m chewing on a bitter tuft of grass.

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Sounds like a good way to sprain something. I’d rather have actual sex.

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You know what? Props to you game dev. This got me to chuckle.

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Contractually obligated incestuous shower scene time!

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Forget the ass. Look at that bathroom! Man, I just had one installed and it is not NEARLY as tasteful as that. Look at that lighting! The mirrors are a bit small but I’m a huge fan of the tiled shower. Wooden floors are always risky near showers but if you can pull it off they really bring a warm feeling to the room. That shrine in between the sinks is a bit weird. I’d suggest putting like a basket of magazines there. Maybe a bowl of shells or something? I feel like it’d tie the room together. Oh and wear normal underwear you slut. You’re not 19.

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The hell is that weird red thing? I didn’t draw that in ms paint. Just as confused as you are.

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I can confirm that this game uses the same stock door opening sound that half life does.

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You ever spill some toothpaste on the sink counter and the next day you come back and it’s like a little white spot? Dude’s cum stains remind me of that.

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Hahaha. Yeah let’s not keep fooling ourselves here.

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I can relate to that. Not the giant fucking penis thing. I mean really, this kid has 0 hair on his entire body and a penis long enough to cause trouble if he gets hit in the knees.

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That’s your breakfast? Sometimes I’ll have a sandwich in the morning but that’s like a piece of turkey and cheese on toast. That thing is bigger than my head!

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I take everything back…I don’t think that’s turkey. Looks more like some kind of beef. Maybe that red thing in the left side is a sun dried tomato? I’m not really sure. Looks pretty good. Unless there’s some regular tomato slices or a lot of mayo on there it might be a bit dry though.

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Yep. This is indeed a store.

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Moving mannequin!!

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Then maybe you should try dressing like you’re heading somewhere other than a beachside edm festival.

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Just tuck it under your belt like the rest of us. That or tie it to a tampon and stick it up your ass.

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We’re meeting with a publisher right? Probably best to not dress like you’re trying to seduce an entire bar of drunken sailors at once.

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I mean it’s better than what she was wearing before.

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If this game turns into “A spooky website popped up on my browser and it gave me the magical power of plot sex” than I’m going to die.

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Ughhhhhhh. I can feel my soul leaving my fucking body as I play this.

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And it appears to be written in some arcane dead language!

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Every fucking time. Every time that some clearly paranormal/magical/daemonic force takes over a computer or phone and does clearly mystical shit the characters will go “Oh that must be one of them E-viruses I’ve heard so much about!”

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Yeah because I’m really looking forward to having stained teeth and a terrible taste in my mouth for the rest of the night like I drank a ballpoint pen smoothie.

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I will bet everyone reading this $50,000 that he’s going to go and jack off over his sleeping mom and then he’ll be all “Oh yeah! I wonder if that silly virus spell will do anything” and then he’ll do it and nothing will happen so he’ll go “Oh, I guess it was bullshit after all” and then it will work all of a sudden.

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Mhm.

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And…

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There it is! Called it.

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Oh great! I sent my mother into the shadow realm.

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And there’s our mandatory “shadowmans”

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Watch out for those wallmasters. They’ll rape the shit out of ya.

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Of course. The douchebag older sibling. You do realize that you’re allowed to say “no” when they tell you to do something right? I mean I guess I could understand it if it was an older brother who might beat the shit out of you but I’m willing to bet Tracy here isn’t a bodybuilder

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Ahh yes, my favorite breakfast! 8lbs of meat sandwiched between an entire loaf of bread with some tepid tap water to wash it down. No wonder his dick is 13 inches long if this is what she feeds him.

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You know I used to know a homeless guy who would space out like that. Maybe he got hit with the wallmaster fuck curse too?

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Well now we’ve set up a way to stare at yoga pants ass so that’s nice.

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That is like post-apocalyptic levels of potholes.

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Yeah the yoga studio? Just take a right at the bomb ghetto and then pass through the art gallery. Can’t miss it.

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“Hey should we make the spots for the names a bit bigger? Some won’t fit”

“Nah, it’ll be fine”

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My mind went to “Balloon Man Karate punch” but “dildo monster” works too.

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Well Gyro here went looking for the changing room to be a little pervert but instead found this. Looks like the yoga studio couldn’t divert some of that tasteful decor budget into paying someone $500 to spend a couple days entering all of these files into a computer.

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When this angry bridge troll spotted me it played the Metal Gear alert sound. I have that as my notification sound on my phone and every time the game does it (which is a lot) I think I got a response to one of my job applications or something :(.

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After getting a game over and being forced to look elsewhere I found my mom. It appears her yoga clothes are more professional looking than her regular ones.

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Oh, great.

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Tommy Wiseau’s younger brother has been taking Estrogen supplements and now he’s here to teach us yoga.

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Oh so it is a dude! I was just being snarky. Then why did he have tits though?

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OR I COULD JUST SAY “NO”

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Saying “no” just got her to stomp on my balls.

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Punch her in the leg and turn over dude. Also buy a bigger bed.

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It’s never a good sign when you go to eat your 2d stew and everyone else at the table just stares at you.

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Oh yeah! This bitch had Gyro do “research” for her book and refuses to look at it. He’s asked her like 10 times and each time she has an excuse. How “making dinner” can take up so much of her time when making potato stew is like 90% waiting for it to cook in a crock pot is beyond me.

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I’m not leaving this alone. Potato stew is like the easiest thing to make in the world. Toss your meat and broth in the pot and let it tenderize for a couple hours, then cut up and toss in some carrots and potatoes, wait a couple more hours, then season to taste. Done. There’s maybe half an hour of actual labor involved.

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What IS that thing?! I’ve been thinking about it since we first saw it.

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Is this some kind of moon rune? Is it a weird stitching? Why is it just sitting under the sink?

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Mom’s being raped by shadowmans again. That’s what she gets for trusting her son enough to sleep without locking her bedroom door.

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How could this possibly get any cleaner?

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Well considering our main character is an idiot and his sister and mom are too busy being whores I highly doubt anyone bothered to set up remote access on their home network.

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Wow. I can move to different rooms now. I haven’t felt a game world open up like this since I got the airship in Final Fantasy III.

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Nice patio. Grass looks like it’s dying though. Shame it’s wasted on a family full of perverted idiots who can’t clean up after themselves.

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When you find medical papers in your parent’s room that contain the phrase “Terminal illness” you fucking panic. What you don’t do is keep molesting them and never bring it up again.

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Jesus Christ. Trinity College eat your heart out.

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Oh look. A secret magical spellbook hidden in the library. I’ll bet if we ask someone who works there they’ll say they’ve never seen it before.

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No game, you’re not allowed to do that. You can’t go “Haha, this plot device is so boring and trite.” and then just keep using it. Now what would be good was if instead of a magical spellbook this was a normal cooking book or something so the main character got his powers from something original like a condo that grants wishes. Then I would be impressed.

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Really? I figured it meant that I kicked the bottom of a bookshelf to reveal a hidden compartment.

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I’m sure our main character will use this new magic god power to change the world in profound ways instead of just fucking his family.

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Ok yeah. That’s extremely limited. You’re not going to be able to change the world with that. Carry on fucking your family.

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Wow! Worst magic spell book ever. Literally all this book is good for is making rape slaves out of people who trust you enough to sleep near you.

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How is this different from just drugging someone?

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Just put it in a backpack and walk out the door with it. Somehow I don’t think this ancient spellbook has an RF tag that will set off alarms. Or better yet, just hold it in your hands and walk out the door. Say it’s your book. It’s not like it has a library label on it.

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She’s clearly also comfortable with getting water all over the floor. Inconsiderate whore.

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“Our mission”? You got an incestuous mouse in your pocket? Don’t drag me into this. I didn’t have an option to not spy on my sister showering.

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Ok. Here’s a little password security tip from your friend Greentext. Having a big long password of randomized numbers and characters? That’s bullshit. A random phrase like “Wallmaster_Mom_Rape_Zone” is just as secure as “115979911410210599101” and infinitely easier to remember. If someone is trying to get your password they’re either going to manipulate you into giving it to them or use a program to plug in random numbers and letters until they get it. Considering most programs aren’t smart enough as to check actual words and not random combinations of numbers and letters you’re much better off using an easier to remember phrase than random gibberish. Check this out for a better explanation.

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Of course no amount of password complexity can protect you from your little brother and his rape magic.

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Provided the only thing you want to do is fuck with your family and those who happen to fall asleep in public.

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Marcus!

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I had planned on confronting Marcus about dream raping my sister but his charm and easygoing nature disarmed me.

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“You know what will turn the players on? Sex scenes involving disgusting 60 year old schlubs!” Why do so many games and hentai artists do this? For what reason?

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Finally! Someone who dresses like a normal woman!

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Great. Falling asleep now sends me to my dream palace.

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At least Marcus is here.

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Cool premise but I can’t get that interested since I don’t think this is going to go anywhere. It’s just going to end up as a device to fuck more family members as opposed to a story about what you can do if you’re the only one in the world who knows how to use magic.

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I mean…this place doesn’t seem that bad. Unless by “guide me” he meant pound my asshole than it doesn’t seem like much of a consequence.

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Oh nooooo. Not a mystical dream quest to interrupt the mundanity of everyday life. How could anyone cope with this cost?

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Seems as though I’m in a flashback to ye olden fuck times.

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Now, back then this was pretty normal

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The spirit of King Charles II implores you to impregnate your sister to keep the bloodline pure.

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I’m looking at this crystal and it looks so familiar but I can’t place it.

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Edit: Upon checking over this before posting it hit me. It’s a Varla stone.

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So the Varla stone can let us hypnotize people while awake but only if we’ve hypnotized them while they were already asleep. Still not super useful since you need to get to someone while they’re sleeping before it can be used.

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Yeah! What a scumbag!

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Now let me use my Varla stone to use her for hypno rape.

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Yeah, lets rest in the broccoli cave.

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You know what’s hot? Girls covered in head to toe with bug bits and sun burn because they decided not to wear clothes for their forest escape adventure.

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And all they would have to do is to sneak into everyone’s house while they sleep one at a time and hypnotize them into killing themselves! It’s the perfect weapon!

 

Alright. I think I’m done with this for now. This game is ass. The dev seems to be focusing on adding content and doing good dev things as opposed to being a Shekel lord so that’s nice. If for some reason you want to download this feel free to do so at your own risk here with the incest patch here

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